Hipstre's History
September 5, 2010

Hipstre has some new hipstory for you to enjoy. If you imagine historical events as people, what milestones have they reached? Are they doing well?


10 - Too Old for Short Pants:

September 5, 2000 - The tiny island nation of Tuvalu joins the United Nations. At first I thought the UN was no place for a ten year old. The powerful nations make all the rules and then they break the ones that are inconvenient while savagely foisting their will on the weak. Come to think of it, it sounds exactly like being a ten year old.

Tuvalu is perhaps best known in the US for their internet country code: tv.

Despite almost unbelievable natural beauty, Tuvalu still only receives about 100 tourists a year. Perhaps it’s because a Hurricane (like Hurricane Iniki, September 5, 1992–today Old Enough to Vote) could wipe away the whole nation. The highest point in the nation is 4.5 meters above sea level. That’s 14 feet to us God-fearing Americans. The world record for the pole vault is a little more than 20 feet, so Sergey Bubka (fig. 1) of Ukraine could jump over a 5'6" tall Tuvaluan standing on the tallest spot on the island.

image“We will pole vault you!”

Viewed from these lofty heights, Tuvalu is a pale, tiny dot in a rising ocean. Speaking of which…


33 - The Jesus Year:

September 5, 1977 - Tuvalu would be woefully under-represented at the UN for another 27 years when Voyager I was launched this day. At this moment, depsite the fact that it is breaking through the heliosheath at 38,185 mph, Voyager is still in contact with Earth by “radio”. Just as Tuvalu is a tiny speck of land in a forbidding environment, the Earth is a speck when viewed from Voyager’s lofty perch. In fact, Voyager I is famed for taking perhaps the most important photograph in history, the Pale Blue Dot photo.

In 200 years Voyager I will encounter a group of hyper-intelligent mechanical beings who will build a probe the size of the moon to help “V'ger” complete its mission. V'ger must merge with the Creator. V'ger and the creator will become one. Wait… that’s the plot of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.

“My vow of celibacy is on file.”image

Star Trek: The Motion Picture featured the stunningly beautiful Persis Khambatta as Lieutenant Ilea, a smooth-domed Deltan with a pheromonic punch that could fill a starship. The actress used her fame to vault into relationships with Henry Kissinger, Ted Kennedy, Sylvester Stallone and Rutger Hauer… talk about range!

Persis was born one month after Beetle Bailey debuted, and tragically died at the young age of 47 under suspicious circumstances in her native city of Mumbai.


35 - Old Enough to be President:

September 5, 1975 - Using a .45 caliber pistol, a head scarf, and pure, unadulterated, cute-as-a-button charm Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme frantically waved a gun at President Gerald Ford. Ironically, this act is Old Enough to Run For President today. That is difficult to visualize. What if we lived in a Star Trek style alternate universe where killing the President made you the President? What would the Fromme administration look like? Charles Manson would be granted a pardon, for starters.

imageFromme, with “Evil Spock” style goatee… still cute.

Squeaky is on parole, by the way. She has (allegedly) finally shaken the Manson bug and is living in New York State somewhere.


28 - Too Old to Rock:

September 5, 1982 - Sondre Lerche is born in Norway. Today being his 28th birthday, Sondre has exceeded the lifespan of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain (all dead in their 27th year). Thus, poor Sondre is Too Old to Rock.


An aside: Steve Irwin died four years ago yesterday. So, his gravestone is This Many years old. Can’t believe I missed that… I will probably miss many important stories. So, if you are so inclined, and know of an important even coming up, please inform me by posting at your convenience.


Yesterday - Tomorrow

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