I am planning to move this over to wordpress, not that anyone is reading it or cares. Also, I am all pissed off today for no reason, so I will keep it short, but violent. Because that’s how September 13 is in these years. Happy Birthday, sanpaku.
September 13, 2006 - Kimveer Gill goes on a shooting rampage at Dawson College in Quebec, spreading the shoot up your school meme to Canada. You know, I think it’s about time we started using the word “meme” in its proper way. A meme is a unit of cultural transmission roughly analogous to a gene. So, something like an online quiz is a sort of a meme. It’s really more of a collection of many memes, all bound together in a meme. Clipping your fingernails is a meme. Saying, “Nice weather,” is a meme. Using your index finger, middle finger and ring finger to indicate the number “three” is a meme. Using your thumb, index finger, and middle finger is also a meme. The two memes are culturally distinct, and can be used as a means of identification with a cultural group, as in the film Inglorious Basterds. So, using firearms to attempt to murder classmates is a meme. It is a cultural activity that propogates and is subject to selective pressure.
Meme Enthusiast
Other memetic activities surrounding this event include: the wearing of a “trench” coat, panicked press closely examining Kimveer Gills online profiles and attributing his rampage to alleged “membership” in various subcultures, while downplaying gun ownership as possible cause.
Speaking of memetic violence, on this day, 65 bodies were found in basements all over Baghdad. Actually, they had been found on many separate occasions, but there was a press release and push for stories in the media on this day. How’s that for a meme? Control the flow of information out of a war zone. Package stories of torture and violence to illustrate that Abu Ghraib was part of a larger picture… The message being, “Everybody’s doing it! You thought Abu Ghraib was bad? This is how these people shake hands over here.” If all your friends dragged people into basements, tortured them, executed and dismembered them, wouldn’t you do it too?

To honor all this violence, dwarf planet UB313 is renamed “Eris” (The Golden Apple of Discord) after the Greek Goddess of strife on this day.
September 13, 1994 - Bill Clinton signed the Assault Weapons Ban into law today. According to some, this tragic ban is what causes violence. Because if everyone walked around with machine guns all the time, then no one would ever shoot anyone… it just makes sense.
Clinton and Ulysses 
To honor all this restriction of personal freedom, the Ulysses probe passed over the south pole of the sun on this day, the first time a spacecraft has been in such a position. Turns out the suns south magnetic pole is much more diffuse than the north magnetic pole. Now you know.
September 13, 1910 - Hazrat Inayat Khan set out 100 years ago to spread Sufism to the world. This is an important milestone in the spread of wishy-washy, “spiritual”, woo-woo garbage to the West from the “enlightened” East where people at the time lived in feudal conditions, were nearly 100% illiterate, and could expect to live to 30 years old if they were lucky… mostly dying of tuberculosis, cholera, measles, mumps, rabies, wild animal attacks, murders, overwork, mine collapses, etc… But not if you were “enlightened” like Khan. By enlightened, of course, I mean standing on top of the shitpile in gold boots. International Sufism, which developed out of Khan’s learning what rich people already believed and wanted to hear, is a wishy-washy, politically correct grab-bag of “energy”, “universal consciousness”, “unity”, all the standard stuff that sociopathic religious con-men preach to rich people who want to be “enlightened”.
Khan Man 
He was a master of making meaningless statements that mean whatever the listener wants to believe, then contradicting himself, then acting like there’s some secret nugget of wisdom hidden in the torrent of bullshit. If you react by saying, “You’re just a conman and full of it,” then you aren’t “enlightened”. Everyone gets to shake their head in solemn disappointment and wonder why you are “blocked” from accepting wisdom. If you nod and act like the blizzard of self-contradictory non-sense makes sense, then you get to be a “cool kid”. Then you notice that some cool kids are cooler than other cool kids, and they happen to be the cool kids who write big checks to build temples. It’s easy to “reject base materialism” when you’re born on a pile of gold. Some call him con-man some call him spiritual leader. I believe in compromise, and call him a “Spiritual Khan-man”. To his credit, he was a musician, at least.
September 13, 1977 - Fiona Apple is born. She is in her Jesus year. Something is going to come out of her, something dischordant. I am scared. We all should be. And Soap debuts. A Viewer Discretion Warning is aired before Soap. It is a TV first.
Do I need to point it out?
Soap dramatized the division and strife in American society that was forming at the time and has only grown since. The theme song is stuck in my head on a permanent loop now. Perhaps Fiona Apple should cover it?
September 13, 1982 - The Trial of the Century (Down Undah! edition) got underway 28 years ago, making it Too Old to (Ayers) Rock. Lindy Chamberlain and her husband had gone camping in 1980, and their child Azaria was dragged off by a wild animal peculiar to Australia and similar to a dog (let’s leave it at that). There was a search, but all that was ever found were blood covered clothes.
Victims of Cognitive Dissonance 
This is an instance of a rare logical fallacy. In effect, when an effect looms large in a person’s mind, they seek a cause that is equally large. For instance, if I were to tell you that 19 people hijacked airplanes and flew them into buildings, killing 3,000 people and toppling the skyscrapers, you might be inclined to think that there must be more–much more–to the story than 19 deranged religious lunatics seeking the glory of eternal paradise. But you would be wrong. Much the same, the jury simply could not believe that such a terrible event could happen so quickly, quietly, effortlessly almost. They needed a larger, more dramatic cause for the outcome. Also, Lindy was remarkably calm during the trial, which in truth was a testament to her character, and perhaps the fact that she was seven months pregnant and fighting for her life. People react strangely. The jury and public opinion felt that her calm veneer was a sign of guilt. What was she supposed to do, scream and cry throughout the trial? The seeming emotional disconnect, and scope of the tragedy were too much for the jury, so, they voted guilty. In effect, Lindy was framed for not being hysterical. Fortunately, the Chamberlains were exonerated in 1988 after evidence came to light.
Beyond Human Lifespan:
196 years ago today - Francis Scott Key writes the Star Spangled Banner, which is about as easy to sing as Jonny Greenwood’s guitar solo in the song Just. Upon confirming that his name is in fact spelled “Jonny”, I am greatly displeased to discovered that he is a month younger than me. Fuck you, “Jonny”.
Yesterday - Tomorrow
Either a lot happened on this day, or I am getting really good at finding stuff.
September 12, 2006 - We’ve been having our own problems with crackpot Christian sects here in 2010, but did you know that Nuclear war killed “a third part of man over a fourth part of the Earth” just four years ago? At least that was what was supposed to happen according to the “House of Yahweh”. The HoY claims to be (unlike other sects of Christianity) the one true church, possessors the only true and proper interpretation of the Bible. Their founder Yisrayl Hawkins, claimed that September 12, 2006 would be the start of the Nuke-yoo-lar War. Don’t take my word on it, hear it from Yisrayl himself.
Of course, the only thing that happened on that day was Justin Timberlake released Future Sex/Lovesounds and Girls Gone Wild producer (and swell guy) Joe Francis plead guilty to failing to report and document the ages of “performers”.

Why the smirk, Yisrayl? That girl’s not your daughter.
Lovesounds? Future Sex? Girls Gone Wild? Those are all the sorts of things to which the House of Yahweh would object strenuously, I suspect. Of course, they would be objecting from their jail cells. In the intervening years the upper echelons of the HoY have been arrested, convicted and jailed mostly on charges of raping their own children (not disallowed, in fact, positively recommended in “The Good Book”, by the way). And when they aren’t raping children to honor Yahweh, they are performing miraculous healings on them. A HoY member was convicted of performing “surgery” on and murdering her own seven year old daughter at home.
September 12, 1960 - H.L. Mencken once said, “Moral certainty is always a sign of cultural inferiority… All human progress, even in morals, has been the work of men who have doubted the current moral values, not of men who have whooped them up and tried to enforce them. The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant…” Eighty years to the day after his birth, on this day, John F. Kennedy addressed the Greater Houston Ministerial Association:

“I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute–where no Catholic prelate would tell the President (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote–where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference–and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.”
“Finally, I believe in an America where religious intolerance will someday end–where all men and all churches are treated as equal–where every man has the same right to attend or not attend the church of his choice.”
Read the entire text at belief.net. Seperation of church and state is about protecting religions from one another as much as anything else. If the state starts taking on religious values, it is almost certain that they won’t be your values.
September 12, 2000 - The Lower House of the Dutch Parliament passes Bill 26672 (“On the opening up of marriage”) which allows and gives full legal protection to same sex marriages, divorces, and adoptions. The law went into effect in April, 2001.

Across the ocean, patents are issued in America for a headband with slots for eyeglasses (#6,115,843), and Headgear with a fan, electronic communication device, and binoculars (#6,115,846).
September 12, 1994 - People used to say things like, “You know when I was a kid, ‘Made in Japan’ meant 'made to break’, now you can’t even get a transistor radio that isn’t made in Japan. But you know what, all the great inventions come from America, the rest of the world is just copying our genius.” In the spirit of American Innovation, on this day Frank Eugene Corder crashed a stolen Cessna into the White House (Lawn).
Class act and drunken lunatic F. Corder 
A short play, based on the events of the day. The setting is the back of the White House. Two secret service agents take a smoke break.
Secret Service Guy #1: Maybe someone should look into the use of airplanes as weapons.
Secret Service Guy #2: Yeah, I’ll get right on that… Say, did you hear they aren’t gonna go for the death penalty in the OJ case?
Secret Service Guy #1: NO WAY!
Secret Service Guy #2: Yeah, with all that blood evidence, and him running away and all…
Secret Service Guy #1: Jeesh, DO YOUR JOB Marcia Clark! Speaking of which, shouldn’t we be investigating the possibility of hijacking planes and using them as weapons?
Secret Service Guy #2: Dude, they are going to show the trial LIVE ON CABLE TV!
Secret Service Guy #1: NO WAY!
September 12, 1910 - William Coolidge perfects a method for making tungsten ductile (soft, and workable). This allowed the creation of superior tungsten filament light bulbs–the kind you have used every day of your life. On the same day, the LAPD hires Alice Stebbin Wells as the world’s first police woman.

September 12, 1968 - I often ask myself, “How long has it been since Albania withdrew from the Warsaw Pact?” Perhaps this short movie will help:

Quickly:
2 years ago - Writer David Foster Wallace commits suicide, not by cutting a hole in the front of a microwave oven and cooking his own brain, but by the mundane and undignified act of hanging himself.
72 years ago - Hitler demands “self-determination” for Sudeten Germans living in Czechoslovakia.
18 years ago - Ethel Hudson, last New Hampshire Shaker dies, and the Shaker colony with her. The Shakers started as a doomsday cult. There are three Shakers left in Massachusetts.
33 years ago - Steven Biko dies after twenty or more days of police torture.
It is almost impossible to find any stories for this date as certain search engines are firmly convinced that you couldn’t possily be looking for anything at all except for this one particular story. You may be familiar with this one story that happened 9 years ago. If I search for “September 11, 1989” I get things like: “… a victim of September 11, who in 1989 won the Newberry Medal for…” or “… who aided firefighters on September 11, was honored in 1989 by the Rotary Club for …” I guess I will muddle along. It’s only one day, right? I mean, we are all suffering, this is the form that my grief is taking.
September 11, 1926 - A tall tower on an island, near a port, of course I am referring to the Aloha Tower in Honolulu. Opened on this day, the Aloha Tower is a lighthouse and welcoming beacon for the port of Honolulu. It is constructed in a style known as “Hawaiian Gothic”, which sounds intriguing. But basically, “Hawaiian Gothic” just means Gothic, but it’s in Hawaii. It is an impressive structure when you consider its weighty look and location directly adjeacent to a deep water port. You can get a feel for the area on Google Map’s street view.
"Tower" + “September 11” = 
At the time of its construction, Hawaii was not yet a state, but rather a territory of the United States. A consortium of businessmen and merchants overthrew the royal family in 1893. They formed a “Committee of Safety” and requested support from the United States, who happened to have a bunch of marines at the ready. What great good fortune and happenstance! The Queen was placed under house arrest, and Hawaii moved into the era of “democracy”. It is considered to be the first act of U.S. imperialism.
September 11, 2006 - Poet William Auld dies at the age of 81. Nominated for the Nobel Prize in 1999, 2004, and 2006, Auld is the only author to be so honored for works written in Esperanto.
William Auld
September 11, 1950 - Dick Tracy premieres as a very early television show. The show features dead bodies and gun fights and causes the very first uproar over televised violence. Which is odd because only 5 million or so households even had televisions at the time.
Ralph Byrd as Dick Tracy 
The network (ABC) had the proper response to the protests: none. The series was cancelled, but not because of the uproar. The death of Ralph Byrd halted the series.
Meanwhile, Actress Amy Madigan is busy being born along with optical typesetting. A photolinotype machine that can set type without any metal fonts is demonstrated in Chicago on this day. Photolinotypes were revolutionary, replacing equipment that was essentially unchanged since the 1600’s. They themselves remained state-of-the-art until the mid 1960’s, by equipment that has since become obsolete itself. Printing has undergone many revolutions, the vast majority of them in the last 60 years.
September 11, 1910 - The first commercially successful electric bus line opens in Los Angeles. The electric buses had poles that connected them to overhead electrical lines. They ran the Laurel Canyon route at first, but eventually “bus trolleys” ran all over LA and other cities. They were faster, quieter and more efficient than even modern buses. Take a look at the year again… 1910. This technology is due for a resurgence. GM literally bought up the companies that ran electric public transportation and scrapped them a few decades later. Thanks, Jerks. And now we own GM, and we should scrap them (despite how cool the new Camaros are). By the way, 100 years and a day ago, GM got bailed out for the first time by Chase Manhattan Bank to the tune of 15,000,000 dollars (~300,000,000 in 2010 dollars). So, they’ve been shining exemplars of “free markets” and “open competition” for the duration.
Quickly:
33 - The Jesus Year: Welcome to The Jesus Year, Ludacris… Now we can call you Ludachrist! In any case, thank you for destroying the spelling of the word “ludicrous” for at least the next thirty years.
16 - Old Enough to Drive: Jessica Tandy died on this day in 1994. A baby born at her funeral would now be Old Enough to Drive (Miss Daisy).
65 - Ready to Retire: Leo Kottke (guitarist) is born.
Beyond Human Lifespan:
333 years ago today - The colony of Maine bans the sale of liquor and other “Spiritocksious” beverages.
September 10 is an important day. For Americans it is one of those days that marks the end of a cycle of innocence. For most of the nineties, the news was dominated by trivial, non-sensical stories (OJ, Bobbitt, Kerrigan). I am sure we all can recall 24 hour news channels being wall-to-wall Paula Poundstone coverage, or serious men in serious suits seriously discussing Britney Spears use of an albino python in her stage performances. This was considered news. Now, the comedy and absurdity is mixed directly into the serious news, via the likes of Sarah Palin.
September 10, 1989 - Just a few months into the Bush Administration (I felt “The Bush Administration” would be a great band name, right up until November of 2000), the Soviet Union and Eastern Bloc countries really began falling into chaos. After the fall of the Soviet Union, during the time of “The Oligarchs” life expectancy for citizens of the former Soviet Union plummeted by 7 years. On this day, Hungary and Czechoslovakia opened their borders to East Germans who had been rioting for weeks previous (and sneaking across the border). This began the flood of refugees from East to West Germany that culminated in German Reunification.
“Gimme a shot!”
Speaking of breached borders, Jillian Recchi Blyth gave birth to Sanjaya Malakar on this day. Sanjaya emerged as a crowd favorite on the Sixth Season of American Idol due to his infectious optimism. He had the teeth, the hair, but definitely not the voice to win, and was cut in seventh place. By the end, Judge Simon Cowell was openly begging the viewers to cut Sanjaya. It is reported that he is currently working for Pagliacci Pizza in Seattle, a sad, singing clown indeed. Today, he is Old Enough to Drink.
September 10, 1977 - Hamida Djandoubi became the last person to be executed by guillotine on this day. Djandoubi was a Tunisian immigrant to Marseilles who lost his leg in a workplace accident. He decided to become a pimp. In an effort to intimidate two new girls, Djandoubi tortured and murdered his girlfriend in front of them. At his execution, the doctor present reported that Djandoubi was conscious and responsive for up to 30 seconds after the beheading. Outrage over the cruelty of this execution method was only enflamed by this report. Incoming President Francois Mitterand banned the Death Penalty, and there has not been an execution in France since.
Djandoubi and Susan Perkins 
Later that day, Dorothy Benham lost her crown to Susan Perkins in the Miss America Pageant.
September 10, 1968 - Bizarre Twins Guy Ritchie and “Big Daddy Kane” are No Spring Chickens. Guy Ritchie is famed for being Mr. Madonna, and making the odd film here and there. He came by his British accent honestly. “Big Daddy Kane” is widely regarded as one of the finest performers from Rap’s golden era.
Bizarre Twins
September 10, 1960 - Bizarre Triplets: Colin Firth, Alison Bechdel, and David Lowery are Over the Hill. Colin Firth is an Academy Award nominated actor, Alison Bechdel is the author of the comic Dykes to Watch Out For. The comic introduced “The Bechdel Test” for films. A film is said to pass the Bechdel test if (1) it has two or more female characters with speaking roles, (2) two female characters have a conversation with one another (3) about a subject other than men. Once you start looking for it, it’s hard to stop. David Lowery is the former guitarist for Camper Van Beethoven and Cracker.

September 10, 1945 - Jose Feliciano wisely hid out until World War Two was definitively over and done with, as he was born on this day. Feliciano is best known for his song and album “Feliz Navidad”, which you will be hearing in stores over the sound system on a non-stop loop in a few weeks coming up. Meanwhile, in Norway, Vidkun Quisling is sentenced to death for Nazi collaboration (perhaps someone should have taken him bowling instead). His name has since become synonomous with “collaborator”, particularly collaborators installed by foreign powers. For instance, one might say, “Hamid Karzai is a Quisling,” or “Nouri al-Maliki is a Quisling,” if it were the case. Clearly it is not, or we would hear such statements in our free press.

Quisling was sentenced to death on this day, but “Mike”, a five month old Wyandotte Rooster had the sentence carried out. Farmer Lloyd Olsen of Fruita, Colorado, chopped Mike’s head off on this day. The chicken performed according to the old adage, “running around like a chicken with its head cut off” for a while… 18 months, to be exact. That’s right, with his brain stem still intact, Mike was able to behave as a reflexive sort of chicken for 18 months. Olsen fed Mike with an eyedropper… Oh Dear Lord, say it isn’t true! Maybe it’s a prank, maybe not. You decide. Each year there is a festival in Mike’s honor in Colorado. Read more, (how could you resist?) here.
September 10, 1992 - In a campaign speech, President George Bush, nearing the end of his term, “We do not need to raise taxes in this country, I found out the hard way. I’m not going to do it again–never, ever.” He must have temporarily lost his head when he said, “Read my lips: No new taxes,” years before. Lesson learned.
Quickly:
4 - I’m This Many: For Your Consideration released. The film, directed by Christopher Guest, revolves around three actors in a film “Home for Purim” who are nominated for Academy Awards. The film features much of the ensemble cast from This is Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman and Dogshow.
10 - Too Old for Short Pants: Cats closes on Broadway after 18 years, 7,485 performances.
16 - Old Enough to Drive: Prosecutors to seek life without parole and not death penalty in OJ Trial.
60 - Gettin’ Up There: Joe Perry (guitarist, Aerosmith) born during Hurricane Donna.
Beyond Human Lifespan:
402 years ago today - John Smith assumes Presidency of Jamestown Settlement. Is it possible to discuss his life and accomplishments without mentioning Pocahontas? Oops, I just did…
September 9, 1992 - The tail end of the first Bush Presidency, what do you remember about it? If you are like millions of Americans, you will remember that on this day, Kurt Cobain wore a Daniel Johnston T-shirt to the MTV music awards. And then for weeks afterward, your hip, indie friends all-of-a-sudden started pretending that not only did they love Daniel Johnston, but also that they hadn’t first heard of Daniel Johnston because they saw Kurt Cobain wearing a Daniel Johnston T-shirt on the MTV music awards. They heard of Daniel Johnston in a ‘zine review and ordered a cassette. “Oh really? Where is that cassette,” you ask? Their car stereo ate it your hip, indie friend reports. Plausible deniability, the mainstay of the CIA and Hispters.

Call me crazy, but there really is a similarity in their appearance. To me, it seems like Daniel Johnston could have been the crazy big brother that Kurt Cobain clearly needed. Kurt Cobain died, as you may be aware, of an unfortunate self-inflicted shotgun wound (or was it a conspiracy of Andy Rooney fans?). Daniel Johnston inexplicably trundled along, writing music in his most unique style and triggering the “He’s got guts just to get up there” reflex among several generations of hipsters. Now that I think about it, I even think Andy Rooney looks like Cobain and Johnston. If it turns out that the three were triplets separated at birth and put into a time machine to be sent to different eras, you heard it here first.

September 9, 1982 - If you were to ask me how old the commercialization of space was, I’d instantly say, “Why exactly as old as Japanese Pop Star Ai Otsuka, of course.” And unfortunately, both are Too Old to Rock. While Ai Otsuka was busy being born in a manner that must have been impossibly cute–with rainbows, teddy bear nurses, and a doctor in the form of an anthropomorphic Rutabaga (Oh Japan, why are you so weird?)–the Conestoga I was being launched. It became the first privately funded rocket to reach space. Unfortunately, Space Services Inc. never really took off, so to speak. They did manage to launch several more rockets, but by the time they were really up and running the Soviet Union had collapsed and it was cheaper to pay the Russians to launch your satellite.

In Japan, I understand, this sort of image is completely innocent…
On this day as well, Justine Gabrielle Flynn was last seen in California, near the Golden Gate Bridge. She has been missing ever since. On September 3rd of this year a skull, several bones and some clothing fragments turned up on land on the Marin County side of the bridge. The remains are still in the process of being identified. 1,200 (or more) people have leaped to their deaths from the Golden Gate Bridge since it opened in 1937.
Justine Gabrielle Flynn

September 9, 1968 - As Arthur Ashe was winning the inaugural U.S. Open, he had no idea that “Saffy” of Absolutely Fabulous was being born. Julia Sawalha has survived the intervening 42 years, Arthur Ashe sadly passed away far too young, but not before bettering the lives of many. When he was denied admittance to South Africa to play in the open tournament, Ashe used this denial to bring attention to Apartheid policies. Ashe continued to focus on civil rights issues, and was arrested in front of the South African Embassy in Washington DC in 1985. He finally travelled to South Africa with a delegation to observe the transitional government near the end of his life. I am sure Saffron Monsoon would approve.
September 9, 1945 - Grace Hopper, who retired from the navy as an Admiral, on this day discovered a literal bug in a relay on Mark II computer. She taped the bug into a log and the terms “bug” and “debugging” have stuck in the computer world since then. Grace Hopper’s contributions to computer science are too numerous to mention, and frankly, too complicated for me to get. She developed the first compiler for a computer language, she conceptualized machine-independent programming languages which lead to COBOL and I suppose, things like Java. And she contributed to language testing standards.

September 9, 1926 - How old is NBC? How old is the concept of a “network”? Well, to answer that question, just ask Yusuf al-Qaradawi, as they were both born on the same day. Al-Qaradawi is the beneficiary of RCA’s innovation in creating the concept of the network, in that he has a popular program on Al Jazeera that is still going strong. I would guess that al-Qaradawi is to the Islamic World as someone like Pat Robertson is to US Christianity.
Quickly:
33 - The Jesus Year: First TRS-80 SOLD
35 - Old Enough to be President: Viking 2 Mars probe launched.
September 8, 1977 - Judge Archie Simonson found himself suddenly out of a $36,000 a year position as A Dane County, Wisconsin (Madison) Judge. The first time a judge was recalled in Wisconsin in 30 years, in fact. And for what? For innocent comments such as, “Whether women like it or not, they are sex objects,” from the bench while releasing a 15 year old convicted rapist on probation. The soft sentence, he explained, was a warning to women to “stop teasing.” Simonson went on and on like this in the press in the weeks and months following, culminating in telling a UPI reporter that he was the one being “gang-raped” by the media.
Judge Simonson: All-around swell guy
A warning of a different sort debuted this day, the Interpol Warning Screen on video cassettes. It has survived for 33 years now. I wonder how effective it is? I know that I would never flout International Law, not after seeing something like this…
The other INTERPOL 
35 - Old Enough to be President:
September 8, 1975 - Leonard Matlovich comes out of the closet onto the cover of TIME magazine. Matlovich is immediately discharged from the Air Force. During the administrative hearing he was asked to sign a document declaring he would “never practice homosexuality again.” He replied, “I am done ‘practicing.’ I’ve moved on to the real deal.” Well, that’s what I would’ve said anyway. Despite refusing to sign the insane pledge, Matlovich was given an honorable discharge… eventually. The fact that he had earned the bronze star and purple heart during three tours of duty in Vietnam probably had something to do with that.
Leonard Matlovich
Leonard continued to be active in the gay rights movement, despite the militaries “Hush hush, keep it down” policy on gays. He died in 1988. His headstone at the Congressional Cemetary reads, “When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.”
September 8, 1960 - President Eisenhower dedicated a new center for continuing exploration of German vengeance weapons on this day in 1960. The Marshall Flight Center in Huntsville became a civilian agency, officially ending military dominance of space exploration. Werner von Braun was finally out from under the thumb of 40 years of military control to engage (along with 100 of his Nazi friends) in what we must believe were his intentions all along: the peaceful exploration of space for warm, fuzzy reasons (slave-made V-2s notwithstanding). And indeed, we have continued in the fine German tradition of using advanced technology exclusively for peace!
“My skin is crawling.” - Ike 
The next time someone asks you, “How long has the exploration of space been an exclusively civilian activity?” you now have a quick rule-of-thumb. Just say, “For as long as Aimee Mann has been alive.” Aimee Mann (Til Tuesday, The Big Lebowski–where she portrayed a pinky-toeless German nihilist) was born on this day. Aimee is still performing regularly and well, when she is not criticizing Ice-T’s acting ability on twitter.

Aimee Mann at 25 and 50… Is she an elf or something?
September 8, 1926 - Here’s a headline: Weimar Republic Joins League of Nations. Now, if you read that headline in 1926, it sounded optimistic. Imagine a secular government leader from Afghanistan addressing the United Nations in 2018 and saying, “Our literacy programs are reaching all the way up the valley passes. School attendance is near 100%, and our solar power grid is operating at maximum efficiency. I am happy to report that the Afghan electric car industry is booming providing good jobs for 50,000 people. Praise Allah, and peace be with you.” That’s roughly what Weimar Republic Joins League of Nations sounded like in 1926.
Any resemblance between the Weimar Republic, Werner von Braun, Eisenhower, the Nazi vengeance weapons, the American space program, the Predator drone, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan is strictly coincidental…
Quickly…
4 - I’m This Many: Shuji Nakamura awarded Millenium Prize for blue and white light LEDs. Does this not seem like a big deal to you? Have you ever used an electric light? Now imagine that every electric light you’ve ever used was 100 times more efficient.
16 - Old Enough to Drive: US Air Flight 427 crashes in Pittsburgh. I recall seeing the test flights to determine the cause of the crash for years afterward.
100 - A Shout-out from Willard: The East River Tunnels open allowing rail transport between Manhattan and Long Island City in Queens. They have been in more or less continuous operation for 100 years today.
It is inevitable that I will miss stunningly important events from time to time. So, I guess I will have to inaugurate a MISSED IT! section.
MISSED IT!
September 7, 1968 - Hotwheels are introduced. At 42 years old the die-cast metal cars are No Spring Chicken. The record selling price for a Hotwheels car is $72,000 for a “Volkswagen Beach Bomb” van with surfboards.
$72,000 ???

September 7, 1926 - Don Messick was born in the silent film era. Animated characters of the time still whistled and played the ukulele, but they produced no sound, only floating musical notes. But no one knew better, and talkies were just around the corner. The nation was in the midst of unparalleled prosperity. Silent Cal was sailing the ship of state through the placid waters of prosperity, especially for stock brokers and rum-runners. Fraternity brothers wearing full length beaver coats roamed the country side in automobiles singing songs about how “gay” they were through megaphones with no sense of irony.
People were pressed for entertainment. There was nothing like Jackass, so people had to read of adventures in the newspaper. A variety of daredevils dotted the landscape. They walked on the wings of biplanes, swallowed goldfish whole, and shot cannonballs into their stomachs (among other activities). Alfred “Al” Faussett was an unassuming fellow with a logging business in Monroe, Washington. In his spare time he had a great love of building dugout canoes to “jump” down rapids (they called them “falls”, though now we tend to reserve the term “falls” for things like Niagara Falls). On the day Don Messick was being born, Al jumped the Eagle Falls on the Skykomish River. The water was so low, that at about the halfway point, several fellows had to wade out and push the boat off of a rock. It somehow doesn’t seem so dangerous if guys can wade out in the middle of the “falls” to push your boat around.
“Water? At thee I scoff!”
Al Faussett went on to jump five other falls in the Northwest before the Depression hit. Little Don Messick, meanwhile, weathered the Depression learning the then recession-proof trade of ventriloquism. He found his way into animation when the original voice of Droopy Dog was unavailable. Perhaps he was depressed at having to play such a morbid character. We have no way of knowing, as, at the time (World War Two) debilitating depression was merely a quirky character trait, and nothing to get bothered about. Don dropped out of the animation game for quite awhile. He resurfaced in 1957 doing a variety of animal and narration voices. His greatest success was voicing Scooby Doo.
September 7, 1950 - Julie Kavner, the voice of Marge Simpson made her debut on this day. Remember, kids, voice-over work: nothing beats it. You work one day a week, no one has to see you. There’s no makeup, and no costume. And they get paid out the wazoo, or at least they used to. There seems to be room for about a dozen voice actors at any given time, and once you are in the game, nothing but nothing can get you out, apparently.
September 7, 1977 - There are at least two kinds of people in the world. One looks at water and says, “Damn you contemptible water, I will pour rocks in you until you are dry land!” The other looks at dry land and says, “Ye accursed soil, I shall dig in you until the waters come.” The builders of the Panama Canal were the second, for sure. And it was on this day that Jimmy Carter and Omar Torrijos signed the Panama Canal Treaty. The treaty relinquished American control of the Panama Canal Zone to Panama on December 31, 1999, just in time for the terrors of the Y2K bug.
You will only ever need to know a few things about the Carter Presidency. Here the are in order of volume of my Dad yelling at the television:
1) The definition of the word “malaise”.
2) He “felt lust in his heart.”
3) He “gave away the god-damn Panama Canal.”
4) He was a “peanut farming moron”.

Celebrating her improbable and in fact, impossible 477th birthday today is Queen Elizabeth I.
hiphistory.tumblr.com puts historical events into the context of ordinary human lives.
September 6, 2006 - The first male child to be born to the Japanese royal family in 41 years first saw the light on this day. The birth averted the horror of the royal line passing through a male-less generation. Prince Hisahito is said to enjoy riding his tricycle, playing hide and seek, and returning Japan to its rightful place as ruler of the Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere.
“Monarchy? Really?”
September 6, 1977 - Japanese Enka singer Kiyoshi Hikawa shares a birthday with Prince Hisahito. What a nice 29th birthday present the little prince must have been for him, spoiling all his birthdays forever. No worries, as he is a form of royalty himself… He is known as the “Prince of Enka” because he is so unbelievably young (at 33) to be performing in such a traditional art form.
The Prince of Enka
Enka is not a traditional Japanese form, but it has traditional roots and a traditional air about it. Hikawa is something of a modernizer in Enka. He often does not wear the traditional kimono while performing. Enka has some performers who are not from Japan. Among them Pittsburgh’s own Jero, who performs in a #86 Hines Ward jersey!
Pittsburgh’s Enka Prince!
September 6, 1960 - Martin & Mitchell sounds like a good name for a comedy duo, just like Sacco & Vanzetti sounds like a good name for an escalator company. Unfortunately, this dynamic duo were not comedians, jugglers, or even lowly fire-spinners, but rather defectors to the Soviet Union. At the time of their defection they were cryptanalysts at the NSA. On this day, the Soviet Union held a press conference in which William Martin and Bernon Mitchell revealed to the world they were defectors. The reason they gave was concern for US aggression and a general desire for world peace.
The U.S. government sprung into action. Two men, who have known each other for years travelling on a boat from Mexico City? Two unmarried men at the impossibly decadent ages of 31 and 29? No children by 30? What madness is this? Who do they think they are? The Emperor of Japan? Two unmarried men who had served in the Navy? They’re both cryptANALysts? I think you get the picture.
The NSA and other secretive organizations soon initiated a purge and policy shift aimed at “sexual deviates”. To make sure all employees and recruits had proper erections, polygraph tests became an even more integral part of spy agencies (despite the fact that they are utter, fictional hogwash). The NSA managed to root out 26 “perverts” in the ensuing months. Naturally, this witch-hunt was misguided for many reasons, not least of which was the fact that neither defector was homosexual. Thankfully, the anti-gay climate inside sensitive military institutions has since been remedied.
The Seattle Weekly has a long, decadent article on the matter.
35 - Old Enough to be President:
September 6, 1977 - Steven Biko, anti-apartheid activist and leader was beaten severely in jail on this day, which would result in his death five days later. Biko and his Black Consciousness Movement were instrumental in the Soweto Uprising, which brought the plight of South Africans to the forefront of world consciousness. Unfortunately, it brought Biko to the forefront of Police attention.
“Black is Beautiful”
If you are unfamiliar with the Black Consciousness Movement, you probably know at least one aspect. Biko coined the phrase “Black is Beautiful.” He was a more poetic and inspirational leader than pragmatic politician. It is a shame he died so young. Biko never saw the free South Africa for which he and countless thousands of others paid with their lives. But thanks in part to his actions, South Africa held their last racially divided election 12 years later…
September 6, 1989 - I was in the midst of moving into my first apartment when South Africa turned away from the leadership of P.W. Botha to the comparatively enlightened leadership of F.W. de Clerk. Under de Klerk, Apartheid was dissolved, and in the 1994 elections, Nelson Mandela became President.
If your 21st birthday happens to be today, hoist a glass in honor of the election that lead to the end of Apartheid, like you need an excuse…
Quickies:
September 6, 1945 - Our beloved Senator McCain’s grandfather, John S. McCain died of a heart attack this day. He was an Admiral, and was present at the Japanese surrender ceremony just a few days prior despite poor health. He left immediately afterward, and died at his home in California. The stress of the war had worn him down to 100 pounds.
September 6, 1938 - The last of the Nuremberg Rallies is held, ramping up Germany for the occupation of Czechoslovakia. That was 72 years ago, meaning in terms of a human life, the Nuremberg Rallies are now Exceeding All Expectations.
Thanks for visiting history’s birthdays with me. Let’s see how the great events of the past stand up to a human lifespan.
September 5, 1945 - Iva Toguri D'Aquino, commonly known as “Tokyo Rose”–though she never referred to herself as such on her broadcasts–was arrested in Yokohama. In desperate need of money, as she was eager to return to the United States, she responded to a radio announcement offering $2,000 for an interview with “Tokyo Rose”. Upon coming forward, she was instead arrested.
Iva, known as “Orphan Ann” on her broadcasts, had refused to renounce her American citizenship early in the war, and thus was denied a ration card. As the war dragged on, such a denial was akin to a death sentence, as food grew ever more scarce. In fact, D'Aquino spent portions of her weekly earnings on food for Australian and American prisoners of war. She spent most of the war trying to return to the United States (she was born in Los Angeles). She was released from jail in 1946 when MacArthur’s staff could find no evidence that she was guilty of any crime.
“Your girlfriend with another man!”
Unfortunately, Iva was shunned in both Japan and the United States. She tried again to make her way to the US in 1948, but was arrested yet again, and this time she was found guilty of treason. It later turned out that many of the witnesses at her trial were lying. She was pardoned by President Ford in 1977. George Takei, himself a victim of tragic and inexcusable wartime prejudice, is currently producing a film based on her wartime experiences.
September 5, 1950 - Cathy Guisewite, creator of Cathy is born. The comic strip, still in over 700 newspapers nationwide is set to end this October 3rd. Ack! Never was there a more clearcut case of body dysmorphic disorder than Guisewite who is, was and always will be quite a “hotty”. Let’s take a look at Guisewite at 60 next to how she probably sees herself in the mirror.
Ack! I’m SOOO FAAAT!
September 5, 1960 - On this day, in Rome, an 18 year old Cassius Clay boxed his way to a gold medal. That medal would now be Over the Hill, had Muhammad Ali not thrown the medal into the Ohio river several years later after being refused service in a restaurant. That, and a brief stint in prison, did not stop Ali from becoming the most famous man in the world.
Stay Gold, Champ!
Hipstre has some new hipstory for you to enjoy. If you imagine historical events as people, what milestones have they reached? Are they doing well?
September 5, 2000 - The tiny island nation of Tuvalu joins the United Nations. At first I thought the UN was no place for a ten year old. The powerful nations make all the rules and then they break the ones that are inconvenient while savagely foisting their will on the weak. Come to think of it, it sounds exactly like being a ten year old.
Tuvalu is perhaps best known in the US for their internet country code: tv.
Despite almost unbelievable natural beauty, Tuvalu still only receives about 100 tourists a year. Perhaps it’s because a Hurricane (like Hurricane Iniki, September 5, 1992–today Old Enough to Vote) could wipe away the whole nation. The highest point in the nation is 4.5 meters above sea level. That’s 14 feet to us God-fearing Americans. The world record for the pole vault is a little more than 20 feet, so Sergey Bubka (fig. 1) of Ukraine could jump over a 5'6" tall Tuvaluan standing on the tallest spot on the island.
“We will pole vault you!”
Viewed from these lofty heights, Tuvalu is a pale, tiny dot in a rising ocean. Speaking of which…
September 5, 1977 - Tuvalu would be woefully under-represented at the UN for another 27 years when Voyager I was launched this day. At this moment, depsite the fact that it is breaking through the heliosheath at 38,185 mph, Voyager is still in contact with Earth by “radio”. Just as Tuvalu is a tiny speck of land in a forbidding environment, the Earth is a speck when viewed from Voyager’s lofty perch. In fact, Voyager I is famed for taking perhaps the most important photograph in history, the Pale Blue Dot photo.
In 200 years Voyager I will encounter a group of hyper-intelligent mechanical beings who will build a probe the size of the moon to help “V'ger” complete its mission. V'ger must merge with the Creator. V'ger and the creator will become one. Wait… that’s the plot of Star Trek: The Motion Picture.
“My vow of celibacy is on file.”
Star Trek: The Motion Picture featured the stunningly beautiful Persis Khambatta as Lieutenant Ilea, a smooth-domed Deltan with a pheromonic punch that could fill a starship. The actress used her fame to vault into relationships with Henry Kissinger, Ted Kennedy, Sylvester Stallone and Rutger Hauer… talk about range!
Persis was born one month after Beetle Bailey debuted, and tragically died at the young age of 47 under suspicious circumstances in her native city of Mumbai.
35 - Old Enough to be President:
September 5, 1975 - Using a .45 caliber pistol, a head scarf, and pure, unadulterated, cute-as-a-button charm Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme frantically waved a gun at President Gerald Ford. Ironically, this act is Old Enough to Run For President today. That is difficult to visualize. What if we lived in a Star Trek style alternate universe where killing the President made you the President? What would the Fromme administration look like? Charles Manson would be granted a pardon, for starters.
Fromme, with “Evil Spock” style goatee… still cute.
Squeaky is on parole, by the way. She has (allegedly) finally shaken the Manson bug and is living in New York State somewhere.
September 5, 1982 - Sondre Lerche is born in Norway. Today being his 28th birthday, Sondre has exceeded the lifespan of Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain (all dead in their 27th year). Thus, poor Sondre is Too Old to Rock.
An aside: Steve Irwin died four years ago yesterday. So, his gravestone is This Many years old. Can’t believe I missed that… I will probably miss many important stories. So, if you are so inclined, and know of an important even coming up, please inform me by posting at your convenience.